Dating love marriage and sex in the church

box set is a more tempting option than a night of passion with their partner.But saying yes to sex (whether or not you’re in the mood) will increase your desire – and do wonders for your relationship Sarah is always full of good intentions when it comes to having sex with Paul, her husband of 12 years.Moreover, far from being the subject of bawdy bar-stool banter with their friends, the situation caused most of the men great anguish and bewilderment that they had, until then, found hard to articulate.‘Every day I received page after page of eloquent, often immensely sad diary material, as men grasped the opportunity to talk about what emerged as being a mighty emotional issue for them,’ says Arndt.It certainly does for 47-year-old Louise, a dentist and mother of two teenage boys, who also speaks for many of her friends when she confesses that, while she still loves her husband, she continually brushes off his advances.‘After a full day’s work there’s usually a million things I’d rather do instead, from reading a magazine to, well, sleeping.After reading numerous similar accounts, Arndt became convinced that a few more wifely ‘yeses’ in the bedroom could make all the difference to marital equilibrium.The notion of doing it anyway to ‘please’ your man smacks anachronistically of lying back and thinking of England, but for Arndt this is missing the point.

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Then suddenly you’ve lived there for ten years and still not gone and now you’re moving and you realise it’s too late.’ For mothers of young children, meanwhile, the continual physical attention they get from and give to their toddlers can often become an unintended substitute for husbandly cuddles which pre-children, may then have morphed into sex.For women, sex is tied in with a vast range of other complex emotional responses.Whether we like to admit it or not, we often use sex as a punishment or reward, while the myriad of responsibilities held by women compared to their husband can breed resentment.Ever since New York sex therapist Helen Kaplan announced, in 1966, that female desire should be a prerequisite for sex, women have learnt to view their own sexual momentum as vital in a loving, consensual relationship.However, sex therapists argue that this fails to take into account the reality of female biology, which means that even if our minds are blocked off to sex at the outset, our desire can actually blossom once the act is taking place – that is to say that just doing it can become its own aphrodisiac.

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